A most unwelcome development if proven true....Our poor Empire seems to be in Peril from such diverse foes as martian hordes.The undersea craft of Capt Nemo and now the megolomaniac aeralist Mr Robur....
I think we will soon have to introduce compulsory military service to withstand this onslaught....Enlist today gentlemen or face the ire of your womenfolk or even the shame of a ...dare I say it...White feather... Do not worry about your kith and kin...They will be quite safe in the fruit cellar..The minister in charge..Sir Clifford Chatterley has assured the country that his gamekeeper Mr Oliver mellors will be covering the county to check on all ladies of quality.

Yeah! I have also created a protected 'Eco-System', with natural warmth and protection.

.


Mark.

Please be advised that the newly appointed secretary for war. The Honorable Mr Oscar Wills Wilde has issued a decree to requisition all supplies of Absinthe..It is required for lighting the fruit cellars of Britain.

Presumably, he doesn't do a lot of charging through the tree tops?

Will that be with water pistols against oil cans?

Oi!, you, don't knock the 'King of the Swingers'. As they can be lethal! Granted movement and strike does take some co-ordination.

Mark

Nah! .. He is already, 'Mullered', and it takes him 45mins to peel a banana! Bad call!

Mark.

Now I'm really worried because the local branch of the Nuts Templars are sat on the fence, paws on hips giving me filthy looks through the window. (Note to self: Thank Gob they don't know how to jimmy the catch).

The misconstruance of your intentions, was , I fear purely on my bahalf m'dear chap, I know see most clearly your clever use of the word secrete for what it was, a ruse de guerre to shield the fair damsels of this nation from undue attacks of the ague, and reducing the wastage of smelling salts. However not all of the fairer sex are without spirit.
Why only a mere moment ago I received an electric missive by express telegraph from a gel which conveyed to me the security offered by the exploiting of her prestigous talent in ridding the empire of this menace.
Here with attached a photogravure of her last success.
Pray you sir be of good heart and resolve, for surely we are safe in her hands
'The wizzard'

Most of the letters are familiar, but as for the words..................? Did you mean she's got gorgeous knockers?

Birkenhead! ?? Is that not that, strange 'Mid-Atlantic', Island that no-one returns from! ???

Mark.

Gentlemen, we have a very serious problem,, anyone know where the hell Birkenhead is and does it count????????

Why th th th that's's outrageous, Eisenbach falls you swine, two two pinfalls and a submission will decide this. If only they hadn't outlawed duelling.

No.... that's Avalon

I didn't know that Eisenbach was poorly let alone falling over?

Is it?? Either way no bugger comes out alive, that's for sure!

In jest,

Mark

Well, from my extensive travels around the various parishes I can tell you.
Should you by happenstance find yourself at the western terminus of the Edgehill to Manchester rail embankment.
Your natural visual inclination would be of a western aspect. Looking outwards towards the Americas, the ever expanding horizon of expansion, charm, culture, gentility, and civility, you will notice a hazy and tawny smudge obscuring your view.
This low lying centre of sin and depravity is oft called cheshire by the aspirent citizen hopefuls, referred to as the no-mans-land between the metropolis of mighty Liverpool and the peace and harmony of northern Wales, and yet, sadly this crowd of hevels, abandoned docks and derricks is the home of Liliy Savage and is..... Brkenhead.
In the strictest of confidence, I remain etc
The Wizzard

So you have found it then! and got out alive !! 'Bear Grill's', would 'doff', his cap to that achievement.

Mark.

Maybe water cans and oil pistols.... By the way, down here we heard reinforcements are on your way...

...But, sadly, your enemies are calling their reserves, too! The Brave Schwejk Division is on the move!