My attempt:
The bloke at the back is saying - "Lads my ballistics instructor told me not to hide behind haystacks as they're piss poor at stopping bullets"!

Cheers
Roy

Quick shoot it in the arse.

"I don't know about you but I could just go a trumpet full of beer."

'Hay',.. that was bloody close.
or
C'mon lads, give them a good 'Threshing'!

( This was taken from Dels, encyclopaedia of lousy pun's)!

Mark

"I think I found the needle?"
John

'Aystacks fasands of 'em to the North West

Of straw dogs and wicker men?

Where's Big Daddy when you need him?.

Very subtle..... and British.

Roger.

We've hit the depths now and need a mod to lock this thread..... hang on that was a mod.

That has to be the worst one ever!! .. you have even outdone Del!! and he is pretty bad!!

Mark

Still chasing the last bugger that called him Shirley